Sam and Logan don't meet each other again until three years have passed.
Logan would say it was completely by chance because really, how do you manage to bump into an old high-school classmate in a completely different city? Still, he knows he's lying. Knows some part of him had thought about Sam Fabelman as he drove out to Los Angeles. Knows it deep down even as he shoves it away because he long gave up hope of ever seeing the boy he spilled a side of himself no one would ever see again to.
But there they are, now. Both are older and a little more tan from the weather, Sam Fabelman carrying a recorder in his hands just as expected. His mouth goes wide in surprise just as Logan trails off after a "can I take your ord...", face red from embarrassment as he realises he's being seen like this.
Maybe he'd never had the biggest dreams. Truly? He'd never had any dream at all. No aspirations other than get through life and look good while doing it. But this? Where was the fancy car he was supposed to already have? The cushy high-paying salary and big, white mansion? Where was the popularity and adoration he'd once gotten as an idiot kid?
Just as he'd always known, that glorious video Sam Fabelman took of him had ruined him. He'd watched it a couple dozen times before he left their old town. The smashed remains were still somewhere in his childhood bedroom today.
There they were now, awkwardly shaking hands because nerdy Sammy was too busy on a movie set to stay and chat. Meanwhile, Logan was "busy" himself - with the next customer's order.
Sam knew it would be an uncomfortable experience for both of them, yet, he couldn't resist going back by that coffee shop. He was curious about what life was like for the blonde beauty beyond the overly glorified high-school years. He wanted to know how he'd changed. Who he'd become... If he felt better than he used to.
You'd think moving to the City of Angels would fix what was broken in a snap.
Yet he couldn't bring himself to bring it up, unsure how to so they'd end up being server and customer over and over, Logan forcing a smile through the almost daily torment of seeing the guy he'd bothered as a kid doing rather well for himself now. A job focused on what he'd always loved. Logan hadn't ever loved anything. One of the reasons he'd always been a bit jealous of the quiet, genuine, nerdy Sam Fabelman.
When Sam came in one day, in such a rush he slammed right into Logan carrying someone's cup of tea, he was surprised to watch the blonde take a deep breath, then calmly help him up while ignoring the ass yelling at them both in the corner about her drink. Working there must have sapped all the rage right out of him. Logan sighed and asked him if he was alright even as the hot liquid slowly scalded his stomach, rolling his eyes when Sam began to ramble on about how he'd hurt him and how he was oh so sorry and-
Logan barely thought of it. Only remembered grabbing Sam by the collar and yelling for him to shut up. The shop went dead silent at that moment, shocked at the change in the usually monotonous worker. He would've lost his job if Sam didn't insist to the manager that they were friends and he'd only been teasing. The old guy probably got tired of hearing Sammy talk endlessly, too.
He stood through the entire conversation, solent and ashamed at the sudden relapse in judgement, his body smarting with pain he felt he deserved. Hopefully it didn't leave a scar. Eventually, when he was told to get out, he hurried to the washrooms, confused at the light footsteps that trailed after him.
Sam froze up when the ex-athlete pulled off his shirt, struggling to stay silent at the look of him. It seemed he still stayed in shape - maybe he was still running? He found himself comparing their bodies as he flushed at the sight, averting his gaze away once Logan was finished. The blond slipped on another uniform, then stormed out of the shop, his expression knit with confusion as he watched Sam try to spout something.
"What is it? Can't hear ya."
"I said I'm sorry..."
"You already have. Maybe thirteen times, including this one?"
"...oh."
"Yeah."
"I... Logan, I-"
"What? Is this not what you saw coming, Fabelman? Cos I could've told you I'd end up like this. Covered in burns and smelling like someone else's old sweat."
Sam gave a small, amused huff. Logan rolled his eyes but shrugged, a slight smile peeking at his lips.
"Look. Really. It's fine. Of all the people in the world... I guess I'm glad it's you that happened to do this sh*t to me. Not everyone would feel so guilty but you're just a specialist in torturing yourself, aren't you, Mr Artist?"
"You... Aren't wrong. But uh... Can I... Maybe dry clean your work shirt? I feel bad... Please, Logan."
"Well, sh*t, I'd never turn down something free. Be my guest." With that, he threw it right at him and stepped back into the shop, not bothering to look back. The old shirt he'd found to wear didn't fit well enough - he got more tips than usual that day.
Sam exchanged his next stack of coffees for the money owed, an unnecessarily large tip and a perfectly cleaned, starched and folded shirt with a sticker note on it reading, "I'm still sorry". Logan smiled softly, genuinely, and waved the dazed boy goodbye.
His grin only widened when Sam nearly smacked right into the door in the way out.
At the end of his shift, he found Sam Fabelman standing outside his workplace, gazing up at the sky with his Adam's apple bobbing in a rather magnetic way. Logan's gaze snapped up to his eyes just quickly enough to not get caught staring, his stomach melting in a rather funny way when Sam waved at him with a grin on his face. Had he... Waited for him to show up? And for how long-
"I've been stranding here for like two hours. Or sitting. Standing and sitting. I wasn't sure when you'd finish up and- I didn't want to come off like a creepy stalker so I couldn't just come in and watch you till you were finished and-"
"You could've just asked me what time I get off. Jesus, Fabelman."
"Well... Yeah but... That sounds like a date." Logan blinked at him, brows arching. Sammy stuttered a bit and shook his head, waving his hands frantically. "And what I meant by that was... I forgot to."
"Nice save."
"No, really! I meant to ask you if you wanted to hang out when I came in with your shirt today but I couldn't because you were smiling and- I mean, you were really, truly smiling and I didn't want to risk upsetting you so I thought I might as well ask you when your shift is over so you'd be less likely to reject me-"
"See, now it sounds like a date."
Sam spluttered for a few more seconds before Logan put him out of his misery. He bumped his shoulder with his and nodded his head forward, muttering "let's take a walk" as he lugged himself forward. Honestly, he was pretty exhausted but he wasn't interested in paying the bus fare unless he felt close to passing out.
Strangely, the walk home felt a lot shorter with the weird Fabelman kid by his side as they talked about light things; work and dumb jokes and embarrassing stories.
To Logan, his entire life was an embarrassing story. He said as much to Sam who snorted in an extremely cute way and somberly muttered "ditto", so low the blond almost didn't catch it. Logan wanted to tell him otherwise. He wanted to tell him he had the ability to create magic with a camera alone. To make beasts look like princes, to make the bad in him almost disappear with a few good shots... He wanted to tell Sam Fabelman that he was spectacular.
Instead, he smiled, albeit a little sadly and ruffled his hair, then walked into his apartment without another word.
And when Sam Fabelman, on one of their nightly walks back to Logan's place, asked him if he'd be in his movie? Logan had been itching for something to do for the boy. A thanks because he'd been so lost and so confused and so lonely till he popped back up into his life and went on a twenty minutes walk with him after every work day for no logical reason. Sam would tease that he needed to make sure his date got home safe, just to get a shove out of him, just so they touched for that single moment.
So maybe it was a crush. A little schoolboy crush.
That wasn't why Sam wanted him in this movie as the main and only star. He had a story he needed to tell and he knew Logan was the right person to play it. He'd caught the moments between the smiles and carefree laughter - he'd caught the little pockets in the silence when the joy seemed to vacuum itself out of his eyes. He thought it was tragic and human and beautiful and a light bulb had struck in his head.
It was meant to be an extremely short movie filmed within the space of Logan's small apartment. He'd sit in the middle of the nearly-empty room that was his bedroom, kitchen and living room in one, then mope a bit, get up, look sullen for even longer and finally force himself to head out of the door for work. Logan joked that such acting was right in his wheelhouse.
The problem was that once Sam started taking videos of Logan, he couldn't bring himself to stop. He'd catch him being extra beautiful at random and want to capture it forever. He'd film his teasing and some little moments of vulnerability as Logan got bolder around him. At this point, they both knew most of the film he'd taken wasn't going to be seen by the public. Logan trusted him to separate the acting from his reality. Sam had a feeling he might just keep these captured moments to himself to watch forever like a greedy miser.
There was a particular day that Logan started to dance for no particular reason to no music. A moment before the blond pulled him up to join the little soiree of one, Sam wondered if he felt lonely doing it despite the smile on his face, then whether Logan could tell by the way he was staring that his feelings for him weren't as platonic as they were meant to be.
Instead, as they danced around each other, struggling not to touch, trying to keep it to light brushes and teasing little flicks, Sammy told him the movie was almost over. Explained they needed one final scene before the end. Logan told him to shut the f*ck up and spin with him so that was what he did.
The next day, as Logan unlocked the door, Sam was already taking charge like he always did when they were filming actual scenes, telling him where to sit and what to do. Logan sort of loved it. Felt thrilled by it. Hated himself for enjoying being told what to do. His high-school self would be repulsed by him. His high-school self... Deep down... Would be relieved he was capable of being so utterly himself with someone.
The film ended up featuring four silent minutes of Logan trying to get himself to cry. The Fabelman had assured him it wasn't ne essay when he remembered this man was gifted but not skilled like a professional actor who could simply break down on command. Sam's heart broke for him as he tried to force it out, as he talked to himself about how easy it used to be late at night... As he got so angry at himself for not being able to finish this. His mind was wrought with thoughts of failing Sammy after all the effort he'd put in but that shame just wasn't enough. In the end, he whispered, "am I just... Incapable of... Feeling things, anymore?"
This was when the waterworks started.
Sam was only able to stay by the camera for about twenty seconds, then he dove into the shot to pull a sobbing Logan into his arms. They held onto each other like they'd wanted to for months now, clinging and desperate and unashamed of it. Almost unashamed of it. Logan felt like a child. He wanted to hit himself, to be cool and pull himself together but Sam... Sam was so warm. Too warm for it to matter as much that he was this much of a weakling when it came to this man.
When it came to a man.
Logan knew, just knew, that he was absolutely head over heels as Sam began to blubber on and on about how he'd messed up and was sorry and was such a selfish, stupid, idiot asshole. How he should never have pressured him into this and hurt him and how perhaps he would have been better off if they'd never met again. All Logan could think of was that this was the most moronic bullsh*t he'd ever heard. How could he even consider that when he'd returned the colour to his life?
At the time, he didn't know it but when he brushed his thumb over the nape of Sam's neck and whispered, "don't talk for a bit... Just stay with me," his eyes soft and wide and so f*cking warmly lit as he fondly gazed at the boy... When he did and said this, then dug his head into his neck, as if he wanted to crawl into his body and sleep there...
That was when Sam knew. That was when it all made sense.
He left once Logan had fallen asleep. Surprise, surprise, he already had his own key. Logan didn't see him for days afterwards. Sam didn't show up at the coffee shop, nor did he respond to any of his calls. So there he was, in the dark and cold again, knowing it was completely his fault. Knowing he'd finally shown too much of himself and Sam finally had the good sense to not take it anymore.
He was crying his eyes out in the dark when a key jiggled in the lock. He was afraid to have hope but when he saw Sam standing there, his eyes tired but bright with some f*cked up, twisted form of joy? The relief turned to rage rather quickly.
Sam flinched when he stormed towards him, waiting for whatever hit or curses would come. Yet, when Logan stared at him long enough, he was too overwhelmed to do much of anything, be it to punch or to kiss the idiot. He simply sat on the floor for a moment, then laughed softly to himself as exhausted tears began to fill his eyes.
Sam Fabelman had made him go absolutely f*cking crazy so why the hell not? What point was there to attempting to conceal his emotions, anymore?
Sam didn't know what to say. What to do. However, he knew how to hopefully get his emotions across. He carefully stepped past Logan and into the apartment, setting up a white cloth for a screen. He readied his equipment, then gently turned the tired creature to it, sitting stiffly next to him in the hopes that Logan might come close and sink himself into his arms again.
Logan didn't understand it at first. He looked to Sam in his confusion but the boy only gestured back to the makeshift screen, gazing hopefully at him as the video began.
It seemed like it was just shots of the once great Logan Hall being a doofus. Various shots of him smiling too wide or trying to act out what was his secret daily reality as best he could for the sake of his film. Sam was light and he was darkness. It got so bad without him around, sometimes... He wished he could be strong enough to find whatever glow Sam saw in him that made the filmmaker stick around.
And then he began to notice it, little by little. Sam laughing at one of his jokes. Sam pointing the camera back to himself for a moment, just to mouth "isn't he amazing", after they'd finished filming one of the scenes. He watched Sam run to him after the crying scene, stunned that he was crying too, stunned by the way he stared at him as he crouched down to tug him into his arms.
Too stunned to say anything, Logan only sniffed and stretched out a hand to him. Sam happily took it, humming a bit and struggling to keep himself still.
"I... I'm not okay all the time, Sam. I can't... I cant pretend to be, anymore. It's... Exhausting."
"I know you aren't. I can tell the difference, Logan... I know you well enough now. This isn't like high-school when I was blind to your pain and you mine. I just... I find it difficult... To express my emotions, sometimes. This was the only way I knew how to say that I'm in love with y- in... In a friend way! You're my closest friend and I love you, that isn't weird, is it? I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that- I'm sorr-"
"Sam. Hey, Sammy! Would you just... Shut up and... Let's hug again? I'm too glad you came back to me to think about how stupid you just sounded."
"Sh-shut up..."
"I mean... I'm in love with you in a friend way? Are you... f*cking kidding me right now?" Flushed from embarrassment, Sam retracted into himself like he was trying very hard to be a tortoise in a shell. He was apologising over and over very lowly under his breath and Logan gave a sad sigh, upset with himself for teasing him a bit too hard this time. After a serious confession is hardly the time to f*ck around.
"Hey, idiot? I love you too... Truly, I do. More than I can explain since I suck at the arts in general. Hope you don't mind that it's a bit more intimate than what you're expecting, though cos it ain't simply in a friend way." Sam, overwhelmed as he was by it, eventually leaned and finally kissed his boy. Logan hummed a bit against his lips, getting lost in what felt so much like a dream until he just had to ruin the moment, pulling back with the dramatically shocked expression we today refer to as 'surprised Pikachu face'. "Wait... Woah, woah, woah. I thought you and I were just buds... By more intimate, I was talking about being best friends, you know, not-"
"Logan?"
"Who kisses a guy as an apology, geez Louise-"
"I want to do it again." Logan froze, swallowed and flushed at the pure excitement in Sammy's eyes.
"O-oh. Yeah, yes, okay... Okay, wait but what about the movie? Hey, don't switch it off, I was watching you fall for me-"
"No more film time. I'm right here. My mouthis right here!"
"Sammy Fabelman abandoning the love of his life for me. I'm touched... You really must feel something for me, after all." His smirk was met with a look of utter confusion from Sam who stood immediately afterwards to fiddle with his camera.
"Only something? Okay. We will watch the entire film and I will tell you how I felt every time I saw your face. Maybe you'll understand for sure, then."
"Sammy, wai-"
"Shh, it's starting!" Logan pulled him close the moment he sat by him again, the collage of moments utterly forgotten as they began collaboration on a different project entirely~
